In all this light, all I feel is dark,
Had the sun without it's warmth.
I'm freezing.
When did your love, when did your love grow cold?
The closer I get, the further I have to go,
To places we don't know.
Thursday, 28 February 2013
You and I
In all this light, all I feel is dark,
Had the sun without it's warmth.
I'm freezing.
When did your love, when did your love grow cold?
The closer I get, the further I have to go,
To places we don't know.
Sunday, 24 February 2013
A little update
So I've been M.I.A for a while. Most of my days have been preoccupied by the usual; the routine of university, cooking, cleaning and mes devoirs, the emotional struggle that normally encumbers my time and the occasional deep contemplation of life. I still haven't figured anything out yet but I will get back to you when I do. So far, one thing that has really stuck with me is reading something along the lines of, 'Nothing anybody does is because of you, it's a reflection of themselves'. I wish I could remember where I read it, because I think it would've saved me a lifetime's worth of frustration, resentment and exasperation if I had only known it sooner.
Friday, 15 February 2013
Monday, 11 February 2013
Baby steps
Happy one month anniversary, Bordeaux! It's a short relationship we've had so far, but you've definitely made your mark.
I sat in class today wondering whether I had changed from the petrified, naive girl that arrived here thirty-three days ago and for a long time I was disappointed because I couldn't think of anything that had changed for me. I was still walking the same black dog I was in Australia, still struggling with the most mundane of tasks, like buying stamps from La Poste, and still missing home just as much.
But as I was walking home, a man stopped me and asked for the time. And, without any hesitation, I looked at my phone and replied, "Dix heures quarante". It doesn't sound like much, but it was significant for me. I didn't panic, I didn't scramble for the correct words, I didn't mumble something incoherent and walk away to disguise the fact that something as simple as 10:40 was too difficult for me to place together without looking like a fumbling idiot... I didn't even think, I just said it. I felt like it marked my uneventful, anticlimactic entrance into the French language.
In fact, I found later today, upon more reflection, there have been other, more important lessons I've learnt here. I was a petrified, naive girl when I arrived here, I cried for most of the 7 hour flight from Abu Dhabi to Paris. But I just so happened to be seated next to a French psychologist who gave me the best advice of anyone, and it was that no matter how poorly you can speak a language, how out of place you look and feel, people will warm to you if you just smile and try, try and smile.
I'm still nowhere near the person I want to be by the end of this year, but these are my baby steps to success.
I sat in class today wondering whether I had changed from the petrified, naive girl that arrived here thirty-three days ago and for a long time I was disappointed because I couldn't think of anything that had changed for me. I was still walking the same black dog I was in Australia, still struggling with the most mundane of tasks, like buying stamps from La Poste, and still missing home just as much.
But as I was walking home, a man stopped me and asked for the time. And, without any hesitation, I looked at my phone and replied, "Dix heures quarante". It doesn't sound like much, but it was significant for me. I didn't panic, I didn't scramble for the correct words, I didn't mumble something incoherent and walk away to disguise the fact that something as simple as 10:40 was too difficult for me to place together without looking like a fumbling idiot... I didn't even think, I just said it. I felt like it marked my uneventful, anticlimactic entrance into the French language.
In fact, I found later today, upon more reflection, there have been other, more important lessons I've learnt here. I was a petrified, naive girl when I arrived here, I cried for most of the 7 hour flight from Abu Dhabi to Paris. But I just so happened to be seated next to a French psychologist who gave me the best advice of anyone, and it was that no matter how poorly you can speak a language, how out of place you look and feel, people will warm to you if you just smile and try, try and smile.
I'm still nowhere near the person I want to be by the end of this year, but these are my baby steps to success.
Wednesday, 6 February 2013
I've been going through a lot lately...
And I feel like I've been saying that for over a year. Bordeaux is both a steep learning curve and an amazing opportunity for me, but right now I just don't want to deal with the challenge of learning a new language, the monotony of cooking and cleaning, the difficulties of French administration. Right now, I don't want my patience to be tested, I don't want to learn any more about myself and other people, I don't want to explore and I don't want to experience.
I just want everything to stop, because I've been going through a lot lately and I've been saying that for over a year. And right now, I'm too tired to fix all of this by myself.
I just want everything to stop, because I've been going through a lot lately and I've been saying that for over a year. And right now, I'm too tired to fix all of this by myself.
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